Tether curses are effective, but they aren't for everyone. Cursing may cause temporary blindness, nausea, and insomnia. Do not curse while pregnant or when operating heavy machinery.
—WARNING AFTER AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR MIRANDA'S SPECIALTY CURSE KIT
According to my instructions, I had to perform the Tether Curse Removal Procedure during a full moon.
At midnight.
In the cemetery.
Naked, but covered in swamp mud, which smelled terrible.
I didn't mind the stinky swamp mud. Or midnight. Or even the cemetery. But the naked part terrified me.
I headed out at 11:30 p.m. I hadn't told anyone about this project, for obvious reasons. The cemetery was quiet, and the full moon made everything much brighter than I would have liked.
Luckily, it wasn't as cold as it might've been, and I was comfortable in my cargo pants and sweatshirt. We were finally easing out of winter's cold grasp, and the skies were clear.
I put the instructions on the ground, next to my DPS (Dungeon Positioning System and all-around helpful electronic device), stripped to my underwear, and slathered on the mud. It felt kind of good, actually. I spread it everywhere, even under my underwear, but I kept my underwear on. The mud covered every part of my skin.
11:55 p.m. Howling sounds drifted down from Mount Curiosity. For a second I wondered if this was a Night Prowl night, when monsters practice stalking pretend "prey," but then my DPS beeped with the reminder alarm I'd programmed.
11:59 p.m. I watched the seconds tick down. As the DPS clock switched to 12:00 midnight, I chanted, "Wentervix, carma, wentervix, newt. Glaffry, glaffry, quiplord, fint."
I repeated it four times, facing each cardinal point: North, East, South, and West.
Next came the spins. Arms wide, head back. Ten spins.
And then I heard laughing and lost track of my spins. A cold fear swept through my body, starting in my stomach and radiating outward. I closed my eyes and begged the world to tell me it was just the wind.
"Hey, look—Runt's still trying to change into a werewolf!" I heard someone yell.
"Oh, man, talk about pathetic."
A herd of monsters stood outside the cemetery fence, staring at me: werewolves, mummies, monkey-men, a couple trolls, and in front of them all, my nemesis, Rufus. If that wasn't bad enough, Bianca and a bunch of other siren girls had joined the Night Prowl.
If I hadn't been covered in swamp mud, I would've looked like a tomato, I was so embarrassed.
"It won't work, Runt!" Jud shouted through the bars. "You are what you are."
"Maybe we should bite him," Rufus said.
"That's a myth," Jud said. "It won't turn him into a werewolf."
"I know. I just want to bite him."
I wanted to curl up and sink into the mud.
"Whoa, who are they?" Bianca said, pointing to a group of skeletons rattling their way toward us from the road.
Rufus shrugged and led the group off. The skeletons followed them for a few steps, but then noticed me, standing in my underwear in the middle of the cemetery. They quickly turned my way, sensing easy prey.
"I know, I know—I look stupid," I said to them. "No need to rub it in."
There was something different about these guys. Around school, the skeletons wore the same uniform as the rest of us—black cargo pants, T-shirt, and grade-level colored jacket. These guys were all bones, their whiteness shining in the moonlight like glowsticks. And they weren't all human. One looked like a dog skeleton, one had horns growing out of a long head, and another was eight feet tall, with long arms and huge hands. A short one had a wide, thick rib cage and carried a club.
My embarrassment turned to fear as each skeleton focused on me with empty eye sockets that were darker than the night. I felt hypnotized, like those black holes were sucking me in with their powerful gravity.
I backed away, tripping over a mound of dirt and falling to the ground. Now they came at me faster, bones rattling in air that had gone still. Even the wind was afraid of these guys. As I scrambled to get up, the short one ran forward and grabbed my arm. He—or she—yanked me up, teeth clicking together, ready to take a bite out of me. Another skeleton grabbed my clothes and my DPS.
I screamed and pulled free, sprinting for the lake. I thought they would stay in the cemetery, but they followed me.
The lake was a dead end. I ran out to the end of the pier, and the skeletons still came after me, reaching for me with their bony fingers and taunting me with my stuff. Like I was stupid enough to go back to them just because they had my clothes.
I jumped. What else could I do?
The shock of icy water sucked my breath away, and I had to surface quickly for air before diving back under. I swam as fast as I could underwater, hoping the skeletons couldn't see which way I had gone. Maybe they'd keep walking out to the end of the pier, and I could come up behind them on the beach and then run back to my dorm.
Underwater, running out of air, I felt something latch on to my arm. I tried to yank out of it, but it held tight.
What's up, bro? Midnight swim?
Pismo.
Long story, I thought at my merman friend. Trying to get away from some skeletons.
Let me talk to them, he said, keeping hold of me so I wouldn't need air.
I stayed under while he peeked out of the water. In a flash, he was back under.
Who are those guys? he thought at me.
I don't know, but they're not your friends, are they? Pismo usually ate at the skeleton table in the cafeteria.
No. I guess we got some newbies. Why were they after you? And why are you only wearing underwear?
Mistress Moira gave me instructions to get rid of a curse, and I was covered in swamp mud in the cemetery. They saw me and started chasing me.
Pismo swam us over to a spot away from the pier, safe from the skeletons. My skin was completely numb from the cold by the time we made our way to shore. Pismo dried off with his towel and handed it to me. I wrapped it over my shoulders and we walked back together.
"P-p-pis-m-m-mo?" I asked, my teeth clattering from cold. "What's it l-l-like ... b-b-being a p-p-prince?" Pismo was the fourteenth son of the king of the merpeople. It was unlikely he'd ever be king. Still, I wondered.
"Good and bad," he replied. "I like the perks, don't like the responsibilities."
"R-r-responsibilities?"
"Dressing up, attending boring dinners, showing up for events, and the lessons. Even though I'll never be king, when I'm home, I have to take all these lessons about economics and diplomacy and stuff. Bo-ring."
"What are the p-p-perks?"
"Well, we're rich, so there's that," he said. "I can have anything I want."
With that he shoved me into the bushes.
"Hey, Bianca, Verduccia, Grace. Nice Night Prowl?" he asked.
"Hey, Pismo," I heard Bianca say. "It was fun."
"Great warm-up for the Minion Games," Grace added.
I heard footsteps fade into the night, then Pismo's whisper. "Sorry, dude, but you're in your underwear, looking like a dork. Can't be seen with you. You understand. See you tomorrow."
After Pismo left, I sprinted back to the safety of my dorm.